everyday musings
Ugly Mess

Ugly Mess

My husband and I were on our evening walk when I noticed I could see the beach and downtown in the distance. It was a beautiful view, but something did not feel right. As we neared the bridge, I was devastated to see the trees and vegetation had been hacked away. The debris left to rot. On the other side of the bridge were most of the trees and vegetation remained, the Weavers birds chirped away in a tree agitated that their habitat had been messed with. (At least that is what I imagined they were chirping about.) 

I am sure there was a good reason for this pruning, but at the moment all I could see was that this favorite spot was an ugly mess. I was surprised at the grief that came. No one had died or been injured. In the scope of things, it really shouldn’t have been that big of a deal. But for me, it was a trigger to grief that I had been holding in. 

I was missing my kids, tired of being sick, and sad over a friend moving to another country.  I am the type of person that likes to ignore the uncomfortable. But this time, I decided not to run away. First, I had to admit how I was feeling. This meant writing about it in my journal but also acknowledging to my husband my feelings of melancholy.  Crying was involved and much needed.  As I recorded my thoughts and feelings, things came into better focus. I was able to get perspective and be reminded of some truths. I am loved. I will not always feel this way.  But most of all, I have a God who understands my ups and downs, my highs and lows.

I think the vegetation devastation was also a reminder to me how one day life can seem so normal and the next day everything changes. Sometimes we see it coming and sometimes we don’t.  If I am devastated by some trees and plants being cut down, I can’t imagine what those affected by the tornado in Tennessee are feeling. Lives have been changed. Dreams have been crushed. Grief is a given.  My prayer is that in the midst of the chaos that they will feel God’s presence and know they are in good hands.